


Robbed

by Turntechgodliness (AmberzillaRex)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: And Jeremy is a precious baby, Gen, Gun Violence, the Ryan/Gavin is only like....sort of serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 06:16:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6183925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberzillaRex/pseuds/Turntechgodliness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan just wanted to spend his day off running errands. Not be caught in a badly planned robbery and have everyone make fun of his jeans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Robbed

**Author's Note:**

> So http://miss-ingno.tumblr.com/post/140065076212/ok-but-how-about-a-story-where-members-of-the-fake happened, and of course I had to write this story out. For science you see. So I hope you all enjoy my silliness!

Days off, Ryan felt, were for relaxing. For putting on his comfiest clothes, grabbing himself a can of diet coke and running a few errands that he’d been putting off. Errands like going to pick up the list of groceries that Jack had handed him before he’d left the base (who really needs seven boxes of Lucky Charms? Certainly not Ray. Or Gavin. Or Jeremy.) and taking back the coffee maker Geoff had spent seven hundred dollars on that hadn’t even worked. He even was okay using his day off to cart Gavin and Jeremy to the bank to pay some bills, though why they didn’t do it online always baffled him. 

“It’s because I don’t like putting my private banking information online where any old hacker could get it, Ryan. Money is important and I have a lot of it that I worked really hard for!” Gavin’s voice trailed into a whine as the con-man shifted in his car seat to face Ryan, tugging at the seat belt as it slid to press against his throat. “Ugh, bloody hell, who did you have in your car last, Andre the Giant? I’m being strangled here.” Behind him, sitting in the back seat, Jeremy gave a snort as he leant forward to peer at Gavin between the seats. 

“Who? Who the hell is that?” Gavin fixed Jeremy with a look of disbelief, glancing at Ryan for support as he sputtered at Jeremy’s words. 

“Who’s that? Have you never seen Princess Bride, Lil J?” Jeremy shook his head as Ryan pulled into the bank parking lot, chuckling as Gavin gave a bird like squawk. “You are just...you are something else, Dooley. Honestly. It’s like you’ve never watched a movie in your life. How. Why? Why do you hate art? How did the art hurt you, love, you can tell me. It’s okay.” Jeremy gave a huff, and Ryan parked the car, reaching across Gavin to undo his belt before reaching around him to adjust the strap lower. Gavin pouted as Ryan moved to sit up straight again, and Jeremy pushed open the door to the back seat to slide out and stretch, Gavin following after him. 

“I watch movies! I saw, uh...there was...look, I’ve seen movies.” Ryan snorted, shaking his head as he got out of the car and locked up, and Jeremy waved his hand at him. “Like you’ve seen every movie, Ryan. I don’t have TIME for movies, alright? I’m a very busy man.” Ryan rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as they began walking towards the bank. 

“So we know Gavin’s ridiculous reasoning for this trip, but why are you here?” Jeremy turned his attention to Ryan, coughing slightly and rubbing the back of his neck as he shifted on his feet. 

“I uh. I locked myself out of my online banking too many times. It’s just easier to come in to the bank, man, alright? Stop judging me with your judgey eyes, you’re wearing dad jeans you don’t get to judge people.” Ryan raised a brow at Jeremy, the younger man flushing as he waved off the look and opened the bank’s door. “Stop. Stop it. Damnit, I’m not the only person in the world that has problems with online banking! How come you don’t stare all judgmentally at Gavin?” Gavin pushed past Jeremy to enter the building, flicking him on the nose as he went and causing the shorter man to frown. 

“Because Gavin is an international hacker who I feel knows the dangers of online banking first hand, seeing as we’ve had him hack into accounts many times before. Whereas you can’t remember a password. Seriously?” Jeremy shrugged as Ryan gently pushed him into the building, and in front of them Gavin stepped into the short line in front of the teller, his phone held out in front of him as he checked his messages. Ryan and Jeremy fell in line behind him, Ryan’s hand resting lightly on Gavin’s hip to guide him as the line moved without the younger man looking up from his phone. 

“Cyrus is in for ten, but he says he won’t work with Michael. I really wish he hadn’t punched him in the face last time, people hold grudges. Honestly.” Jeremy snorted at Gavin’s words, trying to reach around the other man to grab his phone as Ryan shook his head, his attention drifting some to the people around them as Gavin started to fuss. Most of the bank goers looked similar to them; dressed down, the three of them looked far less like their usual selves. He himself was wearing a pair of jeans (though he argued that they could be considered dad jeans as Jeremy had earlier stated, since he was not a father and thus they couldn’t be labeled as such obviously) and a nice, comfortable t-shirt, grey and a little worn. He had a baseball cap pulled low over his face, hiding most of it from view, including the face paint over his eyes that Gavin hadn’t been able to talk him out of. Jeremy was dressed similarly, though his t-shirt declared him king of the munchkins (a gift from Gavin and Ray when he’d joined the crew) and he’d forgone his signature hat under the guise of ‘civilian wear’. Gavin’s civilian clothing always surprised Ryan a little, seeing the other man in anything outside of sharp, expensive looking designer clothing always threw him off and his current outfit of plaid shorts, purple polo and plain brown leather side bag was a strange sight. 

“Yeah, well, Michael’s not exactly known for being smooth, is he. Did Cyrus say if he was going to-” Ryan tuned out Jeremy’s voice as he continued to look around, his gaze falling on three men standing near the doors. He hadn’t noticed them when they’d come into the bank, but their black hoodies, sunglasses and medical masks were more than enough to catch his attention. Squeezing the hand on Gavin’s hip twice, he waited for the other to lean back against him before bringing his mouth to Gavin’s ear to talk quietly. 

“I think we have some unwanted company. Looks like three low grade robbers behind us at the doors. We should probably step out if we don’t want to be involved in what looks like it’s going to be a first time hit.” Gavin groaned, his finger moving over his phone before he brought it up, snapping a selfie of himself with Ryan, the three men on screen as well behind them. Zooming in on the picture, he shifted against Ryan to block what he was doing from view. 

“Should I alert Geoff that someone’s trying to make a hit in his turf?” Jeremy’s voice was soft as he leant towards them, doing his best not to alert the men that they were onto them. Gavin nodded, turning to face Ryan and wrapping his arms around his neck, leaning up to glance over his shoulder subtly. 

“Looks like we might not have time, the big one just pulled out a...bloody hell, is that seriously a bb gun. Really?” Ryan snorted; trust Gavin to judge other people on their weapon choices when his favorite weapon was a gold plated six shooter. “Alright, there’s three different side rooms, are either of you armed?” Ryan nodded; he had a pistol, at the very least, and he could tell from where Gavin was pressed against him that the other man hadn’t left the penthouse unarmed either. Jeremy nodded as well, and Gavin turned his attention back to the three men who were now approaching the teller. One shoved past them, knocking Gavin sideways into Jeremy as Ryan reached to steady him, eyes tracking their movements as Gavin turned away from them to look at something in his hand. Jeremy raised a brow, noting the wallet that the other held, and Gavin grinned, tucking it into his bag before turning back around to watch the first of the men lift his gun towards the teller, the other two men standing closer to him than needed. 

“Clearly it’s their first time at the rodeo.” Jeremy’s muttered words caused Gavin to cough back a laugh, and one of the men turned towards them. The three lifted their hands in the air in surrender, though none of them had it in them to try and act scared. The men simply weren’t terrifying in any way, with their poorly put together disguises and their shitty guns. 

“You got something to say, asshole? This is a goddamn robbery, get on the fucking floor.” Jeremy moved to sit on the floor, cross legged and staring up at the robber as though he was a child at story time, and the man grunted, leaning to shove the sniper. 

“Whoa, hey, easy there man I just washed these jeans.” The man kicked at Jeremy, who rolled out of the way and held his hands up. “Alright, chill, I’m down. Don’t turn this robbery into a murder now.” Ryan rolled his eyes, following Jeremy down onto the ground, kneeling with this hands on his head as the gun was swung to him. He had to refrain from smiling as he took in the gun; literally a bb gun, painted to look more realistic. Though the gun was still capable of causing some damage, Ryan doubted that the three men were very good shots by the noticeably shaking hands of the one hovering over them. The man held his gun pointed at them, turning to look Gavin over before gesturing for him to join them on the floor. Gavin gave him a look, much akin to ‘are you serious?’, and crossed his arms over his chest, taking in the wave of frustration that swept over the mans face as he raised his own brow. 

“Please. You’re waving a Crosman 1077 air rifle in my face, poorly might I add. You’re here for money, so go take the money; but you do know this bank is under the protection of Ramsey and the Fake AH Crew, don’t you?” The man hesitated, glancing over at the first man who’d spoken, who turned to point his own gun at Gavin. Gavin rose his hands in surrender, stooping to pull Jeremy’s legs out in front of him before sitting on his lap, giving the robber a pointed look. “What, these shorts are designer, I’m not about to make a bloody mess of them because you decided to rob the bank. Go on, go finish your little robbery, don’t let me stop you Franklin.” The man turned to go back to the teller’s counter, and Ryan couldn’t help the small snicker as he turned back around to stare at Gavin again. Gavin had gone into complete ignore mode, cleaning under his nails as Jeremy made disgruntled faces at the fact that he was being used as a chair. 

“Did you just...you. Dad in the ball cap. Get up. You’re coming with me.” Ryan gave the man a disgruntled look, pushing himself up off the floor with a glance at his companions, glaring at Jeremy as he mouthed the words ‘dad jeans’ at him. 

“Can I ask why?” The man reached behind him to grab Ryan’s arm, pulling him in front of him as they reached the teller, and Ryan turned his glare to the man’s hand. “Why are you touching me? Why aren’t you wearing gloves if you’re going to touch people?” He glanced at the other two men, watching as the teller handed over a bag of money and taking in the terrified look on her face. The bank hadn’t been robbed since Geoff had taken it under his control; not many people were willing to go toe to toe with the king of Los Santos. “Alyssa, you alright? They didn’t hurt you?” The teller shook her head, eyes wide as she glanced between Ryan and the robbers. 

“N-no, Mr. V. I...is Mr. Ramsey coming?” Ryan gave a shrug, casting a look at the men as the leader moved to look for the safe, the other two standing guard over the few people scatter around the floor of the bank lobby. 

“I don’t think so, not with Lil J and Vav here with me. We’ll take care of this.” One of the men turned to look at Ryan, swinging the gun towards him, and Ryan rolled his eyes, tilting his hat up some to reveal his face paint to the man. 

“Jesus christ, what the hell?” The man took a step back, raising his weapon to point at Ryan, only to find his gun suddenly in the hand of the other man. 

“I mean, if you’re going to rob a bank, I’d hope you’d do some research. I’d hope you’d know that Geoff Ramsey protects his investments pretty well. I’d also like to hope that you’d research enough to know that members of the crew use this bank all the time.” Ryan drew his own pistol from his waistband, pointing it at the man while behind him, Gavin held his own pistol pointed at the other, still seated in Jeremy’s lap. “And we use real guns, kiddo.” Jeremy shifted a bit before standing up, pulling Gavin up with him as the other man gave a maniac grin, bouncing his way over to them to press the barrel of his six shooter to the second robbers temple. “Now, we can do this two ways. The lot of you can leave here, go back to your little gang and tell him that this bank, this block? Off limits. You get to leave with your lives, and Vav here gets to pay his bills so we can go home. Or, and really, I am so particular to this plan, we could take the three of you out back to spare these lovely people the sight of your gruesome death.” Jeremy leant against the counter, grinning as Gavin held up two wallets. 

“I’ve already got all the information I need on the two of you, really, so don’t think that if you leave you can come back and try to come after us. Because you can’t. Because only babies bring their wallets to a robbery, sheesh.” He shrugged, cocking his gun and flicking the safety off. “Not that it’s going to matter. I know Geoff pretty well, love, and I know exactly what his response to this little attempt at a robbery will be. Lil J, do tell me if Geoff’s response is to just kill them?” Jeremy gave a little hum, checking his messages with a chuckle. 

“Damn, Vav, you are good. Vagabond, you wanna take these two out back? I’ll go grab the third and meet you and Vav back there?” Ryan nodded, letting Gavin usher the two men in front of him as he waved Jeremy through to the back. 

“Everyone just go about your business.” Ryan’s voice was gruff as he shoved the robber closest to him towards the door, wincing slightly as Gavin gave a cackle and shoved the barrel of his gun into the others back hard. He waited until the four of them had made it out the door and into the back alley before turning his attention to Gavin, watching at the younger man shoved one of the robbers against the wall. 

“I really just want to do my banking and go back home, you know. Now I’m all irritated.” Ryan barely acknowledged as Gavin’s gun went off, the first robber dropping to the ground dead. The second’s eyes widened, and he moved as if to try and escape only to find his way blocked by Ryan. “Don’t even bother trying to run, Vagabond’s a much quicker shot than either of us, and he won’t let you die quick and quiet like I will.” The robber slid to the ground, beginning to hyperventilate, and Gavin dropped to a squat, patting his cheek with a half smile. “Hey now, there there. It could be much worse love. Mogar could be here.” He gave a terrifyingly grim smile, before bringing the gun between the mans eyes and pulling the trigger. 

“You took far more joy out of that last one than I’d have thought. Are you really that pissed that they interrupted your banking?” Gavin shrugged, wiping the blood from where it had splattered on his cheek and standing up to face Ryan as Jeremy appeared, pushing the third robber in front of him. The man yelped at the sight of his dead companions, and Ryan barely turned from his conversation with Gavin to fire a shot through the mans temple.

“Well that and really, who tries to rob a bank with a bloody bb gun, Ryan. That’s just….that’s just unprofessional is what it is. Have a little pride if you’re going to play in the big league.” Ryan snorted, and Jeremy moved to lean against the wall, surveying the mess around them. 

“You want me to call in the cleaning crew?” he asked, glancing at Ryan as he nudged one of the bodies with his foot. Ryan nodded, and Gavin slipped his gun into his bag before placing his hands on his hips, tapping his foot. 

“Come on, Dad Jeans. Let’s go. I haven’t all day now, the lads are waiting for me to start game night.” Ryan rolled his eyes, reaching to pay Jeremy’s shoulder as he stepped past him. 

“Yes dear. Coming, dear. You wait here for cleanup, Jeremy.” Jeremy huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, and Ryan grinned at him. “Perks of being the new guy, friend. We’ll see you back at base.” He turned to follow Gavin, frowning as they headed back into the bank. 

“Can you please not call me Dad Jeans? Jesus christ, Gavin.” The two entered the bank, Gavin’s gleeful laughter drifting after them as the doors shut behind them.


End file.
